i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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