I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
