I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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