there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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