My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
