No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
