Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
