I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
