im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
