Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
