I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
he had hair everywhere except his balls
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
