my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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