My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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