there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
