But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
