you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
