Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
