Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
