oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just gift wrapped bread.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Randomize
