This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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