Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
