Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
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