Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
