whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Randomize
