We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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