so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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