I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Apparently you make a good broom.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
