i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
