Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
