his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
