end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Acid is not a monday night drug
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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