how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
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