My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Randomize
