Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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