tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
