Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
