That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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