The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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