waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
