??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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