Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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