he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
