you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
