I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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