we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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