I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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