You're completely useless in the revolution.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The feeling are messing with the penis
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
