I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
