he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
