never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
