Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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