True but thats because hes a fetus.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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