bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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