I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
