Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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