she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
