My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
