thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
