I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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