Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Randomize
