so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
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i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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