turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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