is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
