went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just took my morning after pill in the library
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
