your thong is hanging out like whoa
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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