How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
it's like iHOP with fire
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
