Me. At least after what I've been through.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
