those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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