We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
