did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
