if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
