Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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