he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
