We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize