Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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